I recently had a conversation with an old school friend. He remarked on my absenteeism for the past few years. I had barely kept in touch with anyone. He thought it was because I was feeling superior, especially because I had now relocated to the west.
My aloofness was intentional, but not for the reason he had in mind.
When being present is uncomfortable
My friend is, like me, a medical doctor. He was living in the UK, trying to get ahead and establish his career. I had just moved to Canada, ostensibly for the same reasons. Except that my intended path was very different.
It was not to practice medicine, as I had led my family on.
It was to be free to build my career as I pleased. Specifically, in that season, it was to release an album. That was my only career priority in 2019 when I moved to Canada. In addition to that, I was fully given to Christian ministry. I expected to start a church here, in the name of one I was part of in Nigeria. I had been given the green light, and logistics were underway.
I would have a job, but the job existed only for basic income. That was my view of a 9 to 5—a necessary burden to keep afloat while working towards the real work I had.
Once I landed in North America, I got to work on my precious plans. I knew my friend, like most other people, was driven only by a practical approach to career development. Do thing, get job, pay bills, live happily ever after. Sensible and logical enough. How was he to understand that my priority was making music? He couldn’t be expected to. We had had a brief exchange about my plans for Canada before I left Lagos, as he had been my guide for my visa application. He had expressed his deep disappointment at my lack of ‘proper’ career plans. I intended to spare him more of my foolishness now that I had travelled.
That was the beginning of my avoidance of him, and of peers and even family going forward from that point. They wouldn’t understand what I was doing, and I was not interested in being counselled or in defending myself. So, I kept away.
The next several years saw the same behaviour become more entrenched. I had always thought differently about my career, and was already selective about my friendships before that point. But growing deeper into adulthood, taking on more responsibility and such, made things more challenging. I found myself isolating more and more.
I didn’t quite realize how this was being seen by those who appreciated my difference, but wanted to be around. Things hadn’t quite been taking off anyway, so shouldn’t I come down from my high tower and mingle with the commoners?
To be continued…